that's what the 5 drug store tests told me.
that's what the doctor told me after i wasn't convinced the 5 times before.
and that's what my ravenous appetite keeps telling me still (what? getting up at 2 in the morning to have a bowl of cheese and bacon-filled perogies isn't normal?).
i'm coming up 20 weeks now (which makes me half baked) and i still feel like i'm in denial. maybe that's why it took us so long to tell people. that and i'm strongly opposed to "over sharing" personal information on the internet (coming from the girl who sent photos of her bare, easter-egg painted butt one april to everyone in her contact list with the words "HAPPY KEESTER!" at the top of the document).
(my parents still don't think it's funny.)
but really, i am in shock. first of all, i didn't know i could get pregnant (delivery by stork seemed legitimate) and secondly, i have a pretty pathetic baby bump right now (think: a night at taco bell meets thanksgiving dinner). i haven't felt sick or any different except now all i crave is indian food...yet i can't be in the same room as my indian coworker since her smell makes me want to vomit? (how's that for irony?)
(ps: i'm not a racist.)
i also am kind of afraid of my unborn child. we went in for an ultrasound last week to find out what we're having (which turned out to be a big fail) and when the technician turned to show us the baby's face on the monitor, ben and i both gasped in horror. (you would too if what you saw looked exactly like voldermort at the end of the 7th movie...all coiled up under the train station bench...bleh.) and just a few days later i felt that thing move for the first time and i couldn't help but think that i needed a young priest and an old priest to perform an exorcism!
sigourney weaver gets it. (see: alien trilogy)
this world of baby preparation is so foreign to me...and the more i research and try to figure it all out the more i've realized two things:
1. i'm in way over my head
2. the baby market is a SCAM!
seriously though...baby stuff is so stinkin' expensive! i follow the occasional mommy blog and have always wondered how some mothers out there can justify dressing their infants in $70 onesies that they're going to grow out of in less than a year. and diaper bags! who knew the more trendier ones went for around $150?! and don't get me started on cloth diapers...the other day i went to an organic baby store down the road from my house and a lady with dread locks wearing a hemp shirt tried to convince me that i needed to spend at least $700 for a decent cloth diaper kit.
what did i tell you? SCAM!
...and then i start thinking about the future: the travel plans we had, the better apartment we had hoped for, and the glorious idea of being completely debt-free.
all put on hold.
but then, little packages arrive at my front door with little booties inside of them (that AREN'T for the cat) and i can't help but feel lucky, and privileged.
...and then i have to go eat a whole container of TUMS.