week four of motherhood is quickly coming to a close, and to be quite honest i never thought i would enjoy the role of madre as much as i do. i didn't really connect to babies growing up. i hated babysitting and thought the whole experience was entirely too much work. the work-ideal hasn't changed: i have perma-bags under my eyes and eat my lunch at 3 in the afternoon on a good day, but i really, truly, like being a mom! this realization came to me yesterday after jane had peed through her third outfit and then threw up all over my chest while i was feeding her. i was calm. not just calm, but calm bolded and italicized calm. i have never been more content than i am changing a poopy diaper and having the chronic smell of baby vomit hovering around me like a swarm of flies.
life. is. good.
luckily, jane has decided she likes sleeping at night, and averages around 6 hours before she demands my services. ben doesn't seem to be phased either by the new addition to the foot of our bed as his deep, methodical snoring has proven. you'd think i'd be getting in on some of this zzz action too though, right? wrong. since both jane and ben are competing for who can be the loudest between her incessant grunting and his old-man wheezing, i'm lucky if i sleep for more than an hour at a time.
and then there's the anxiety. i wake up every hour anyway and poke jane to make sure she's still alive. sure enough, she usually is (just kidding----she always is) and i'll have waken her up and she lets out a monster cry...(like i've literally poked a sleeping monster.)
speaking of noises...sometimes i feel like i've given birth to a gremlin. the sounds that come out of that child's mouth are not from this world. i can't seem to put my finger on it: is it orc? troll? elvish? if i throw water on her will she die? or is it grow? i can't remember (i haven't seen gremlins in probably twenty years). whatever it is, it keeps me guessing.
we've been able to go out a few times, but for the most part i'm afraid to take her anywhere. not because i'm weird about germs, or that i'm afraid she'll cry the whole time (which has happened) but mostly because...i don't know how to work the stroller! who's idea was it to buy the gucci-est of all strollers, anyway? (oh right, mine.) one day i'll sit down and read the manual so i can figure out all its gadgets, but for now we'll just wait for ben to get home (because he's the one who assembled it).
so far, i've only been accosted twice in public. the first time was in the designated breast feeding area in the mother's lounge at the mall, where a lady told me she couldn't believe that i just "whip my boob out" wherever i please, and was offended. (she then proceeded to tell me that she chose not to breast feed because it's "weird" as she waited for her formula to finish heating up so she could feed her 3 week old baby with it.) i had a blanket over top of me the whole time i fed jane, but even if i hadn't, what did this woman expect to find in a mother's lounge?! a bunch of dogs smoking cigars sitting around a poker table?
the second time was this past week at the doctor's office. we were there for jane's 1 month check-up and she decided to be fussy while we waited. i picked her up and rocked her a bit, but she still was crying bloody-mary. the lady beside me told me that my baby was probably hungry, and i politely said that i didn't think she was because i had just fed her before we came to the appointment. she proceeded to tell me that she has two kids of her own and that was the sound of a hungry baby. she asked why i hadn't brought anything for the baby, and i told her i didn't think i needed to because ifedherbeforewecame. i got up and started pacing around the waiting room and jane eventually settled down (poor girl just had to pass some gas).
so... pretty much one adventure after another these days. i'm definitely learning more than i ever have, about babies, other people, and especially about myself. it's funny how i can go from an 8 hour work day strategically planned out to an all-around-the-clock job that's as unpredictable as this pregnancy.
but...like i said...
life. is. good.