Tuesday, April 9, 2013

stuff ben does...

i'd like to think i have a good grapple on how the male mind works. i'm pretty sure the population in whole has some degree of asperger's syndrome (read: self-diagnosing is one of my less-desirable traits) and their ability to tune everything out the minute an electronic device turns on is something i've learned to accept. i married a man whose pretty easy to read ie: grumpy = tired and hungry, happy = smiling and passing gas (hey...does this remind anyone of a certain 1 month old infant??). he makes things real simple by being great: doing the dishes, vacuuming, organizing the cupboards (what do you mean just throwing things in there and shutting the door real fast before they fall won't solve the problem?!), and cooking so the both of us can survive (hey----i warned him before we got married that i lived off of tv-dinners for 6 years of my life). 

so, to chalk things up---- i basically married the perfect man (be jealous...i dare you!). 

as perfect as ben is though, there are some things that still remain a mystery in our marriage:

1. used band-aids left on the coffee table, on the counter, in the shower...

i understand if he simply forgot to throw it in the garbage, but every time i watch ben put on a band-aid, the suspense nearly kills me as to where i will find it next a few days later...

2. used q-tips on the floor of our bedroom 

after our first anniversary, i started noticing used q-tips all over the bedroom floor. when i confronted ben about it, he explained that after he showered he would use the q-tips, and after he was done cleaning his ears, he would throw said q-tips on the floor for our cat bruce (i got him as an anniversary gift) to play with them. 

"he just loves playing with them so much, sara!" he says to me time and again. 

ya, that's great ben----but we've been married for over two years now and i have yet to see you throw your q-tips in the trash, leaving the only other person in the house who knows how to use her opposable thumbs to clean them up. pas cool.  

3. putting clothes near, but not quite "in" the laundry basket 

now this one's a brain-teaser. i will find clothes so close, sometimes TOUCHING the laundry basket, yet they haven't quite made it in. so of course i do the noble thing and place them in there, only to have ben ask me what had happened to them. 

"i put them in the laundry," i reply. 

"but they weren't dirty!" he retorts. 

oh, my mistake. the societal norm is that if clothes are on the floor, or by the laundry basket, they're usually rendered unclean, no? 

i don't even want to count how many sweaters are down there. 

4. crumbs...oooh the crumbs!

exhibit A: i'm beginning to suspect that all men think there's a little "crumb fairy" who magically removes all the messes you make after you prepare your lunch in the morning...(don't even get me started on raspberry flavored crystal-light droplets staining the countertop because they weren't wiped up right away!)

5. cereal for a snack and/or dinner

no explanation necessary.


Schizo Style said...

The crumbs are the worst!!!! As for the laundry conundrum, I think they must just like watching us bend over ;)

Mamasmart said...

crumb problem solved if YOU make the lunch; just sayin'

Shannon said...

Most of these make me chuckle, but the used q tips on the floor would bother me SO much. I'd make that the priority for change!

Andi of My Beautiful Adventures said...

Crumbs annoy me endlessly! My most frustrating problem with my hubby is that he never puts the toilet seat down.